If she wasn’t such an appalling and brazen little Hitler, I’d feel sorry for home secretary Jacqui Smith, having to leave her house this morning with the whole world knowing that her husband Richard Timney bought two pay-per-view porn movies last April at their taxpayer-funded Reddich home, the bill for which was “accidentally” claimed for on her MP’s expenses. (He’s also her parliamentary aide – he should be more careful.) Had they not “accidentally” tried to get the taxpayer to stump up for their Virgin Media bill, including the selection of films, nobody would know that he likes a bit of perfectly legal adult titillation.

To be fair to her (I can’t believe I’ve just typed those words), hubby seems to have watched the dirty movies when she wasn’t there, so he was probably missing her, and he did also pay for Ocean’s 13 (which he watched twice – I could barely get through it once) and the funny animated penguin film Surf’s Up, so only two fifths of his viewing pleasure while she was away – perhaps at one of her other taxpayer-funded constituency homes – involved functional, simulated sex. I’m sure these films were only soft porn, if they’re available from Virgin, nothing too penetrative.

The details of this bill are now very much in the public domain (ha ha, I really did just type pubic domain by mistake), including the breakdown of costs: a quite steep five quid each for the pornos, £3.75 for each Ocean’s 13 and £3.50 for Surf’s Up. So how come we don’t yet know the titles of the mucky ones? Imagine what good publicity that would be for Virgin to have two of their expensive porn movies all over the papers? I think we should be told. And I expect we will be.


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