No, nothing to do with the inauguration of Barack Obama, or the thrilling new epoch of noise and pollution signified by the popular third runway at Heathrow – I have my MacBook back from Apple. I picked it up this morning, first one through the doors of the Apple Church, sorry Store, at 9am. Not only is the problem fixed, but due to the “known issue” with the chipped casing*, I have a brand new keyboard, top case and touchpad. It’s even got a transparent sticky protective layer over it, which I’m leaving on, like those people who used to leave the polythene wrapping on their sofas to keep them clean. (Nobody does that any more, do they? Just buy a new sofa.) I was hoping to take a photograph of my new keyboard using the inbuilt camera in my laptop, but simple physics has defeated me. The paranoid among you can rest easy: they didn’t wipe my hard drive, or draw a moustache on the photo of my cat that I use as my desktop wallpaper, or give me someone else’s laptop with child porn on it. Nor did they charge me a small fortune. In fact, they charged me nothing. Because the chipped casing is a “known issue”, I have basically had my laptop pimped, for free. It’s amazing how greasy the keys on my keyboard had become. They look pristine again. I’m actually typing really gingerly, which can’t be a bad thing. What I’m saying is: I’ve been on a “journey” this week. I’ve learned lessons about myself. I will no longer rely on my computer to work, every day, I will asume it’s about to crash at any moment, and make sure I back up every word I write, as I write it, and write out a hand-written version on a piece of paper just to be sure. I will not treat the casing as an indestructible object from the future as I cart it around from home to Library to cafeteria to coffee shop, but as a delicate, eggshell-like sculpture that requires love and care and, if needs be, protective gloves and bubble-wrap. I will exist in a state of permanent Code Orange.
By the way, even though many of you scared me half to death with your doom-mongering, I really do appreciate the response to my original cry for computer help.
* Look, there’s a Flickr page dedicated to photos of MacBooks with cracked casings! It’s “known issue” porn. Perhaps I should post the excellent one above, showing part of my new casing, two inches of British Library desk and a bit of my jeans.