You’d fuck a catcher’s mitt
The Sopranos, Episode Five, Irregular Around The Margins, written by Robin Green and Mitchell Burgess, directed by Allen Coulter, in which a lot of fuss is made of such a little thing. Adriana, possibly spurred on by the Feds, comes on to Tony in his office (it involves darts – I didn’t even know Americans played darts!), but he resists, which Dr Melfi considers a milestone. But a late-nite trip in his tank to her coke dealer, all platonic, leads to a raccoon-related road accident while Christopher is away pinching cigarettes. The rumour mill begins (what gossips these wiseguys are!), until Christopher is wracked with jealousy, despite Tony’s continued – and sincere – denials that anything happened. Christopher starts drinking and runs amok with a gun in the club – he must be subdued, in the middle of nowhere, by the headlights of a car, naturally. It’s good to see Steve Buscemi just gradually slipping into gangster mode, albeit of the cautious, emollient type (“I’m a pre-board certified massage therapist”). I also liked the fusebox row with Vito Spatafore (the one’s who’s fatter than Bobby), a real GoodFellas just-busting-your-chops moment. They all make up in the end, of course, including Tony and Carmela – just for show, just to reset the status quo. (Remember the fuss about Uncle Junior and the rumour that he performed oral sex? That nearly ended in bloodshed.) This series continues to impress. And what a speech Christopher makes to Adriana when she reveals, much to his macho disgust, that she has Irritable Bowel Syndrome and puts it down to stress that he, by definition, cannot know about:
“What do you got to be stressed about? That bar?”
“War, Christopher? The Middle East?”
“You don’t listen to the president? We’re gonna mop the floor with the whole fuckin’ world. The whole world’s gonna be under our control. So what are you worked up about?”
Ever since he can remember, he’s always wanted to be a gangster.