Yes?
Third episode of Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares, a series that has yet to jump the shark. Or jump the sea bass. Though it fits into the “makeover TV” category – Ramsay turns up at failing eaterie, swears at the chef, simplifies the menu, turns the buiness around and comes back six months later to admire his work – it’s a cut above thanks to Ramsay himself. He’s a seriously charismatic host and mentor, and takes no shit. He also has sage advice to offer. (And onion advice. Ha ha.)
I love this programme. Tonight, he tackled Clubway 41, which, despite its name, location and horrible massage-parlour signage, had been named Blackpool Tourist Board’s Restaurant of the Year (“Shithole of the Year,” quipped our man with the Easter Island statue face), which served salmon and strawberry, tomato and Cointreau soup, and pork medallions in a brie and nectarine sauce to nobody. Had these people not seen Life Is Sweet and laughed at Timothy Spall’s “liver in lager”? The ill-trained chef, Dave, in a black bandana that made him look like he’d been sacked from in Fleetwood Mac in the 70s, was TV gold, ie. an idiot. He couldn’t cook very well, and when Gordon tried to teach him he actually swore back at him and made what used to be called, when I was at school, a “spastic face”, and was outlawed as soon as society saw sense.
“Plonker.”
“Twat.”
That was how this particular exchange ended. You get the idea.
Eventually, Dave and his front-of-house partner, got the idea and started cooking food that people in Blackpool might eat. As ever with Kitchen Nightmares there was a salt-of-the-earth kitchen assistant who, once empowered, came into his own on the night and proved invaluable. Then left under a cloud. I hope Nigel is running his own restaurant somewhere.
I still find it curious that, before he gets down to business, Ramsay is contractually required to take his top off for the camera before he puts on his chef’s jacket. Does he demand that they let him do this, or do the programme-makers actually think his buff, rugby-player’s torso is what the audience tunes in for? It’s very distracting and sexist.
Nobody defies me. Nobody
Mercifully, Dr Gillian McKeith doesn’t do this before she puts on her white coat. Haven’t watched this series of You Are What You Eat as religiously, chiefly because the formula is too predictable. Not that I have any bright ideas on how to improve it, but if you miss one borderline-diabetic pizza-junkie with no libido and an account at the local takeaway being pilloried into trying seeds and salad for the first time until they lose two stone, there’ll be another along next week. Amazingly, Britain has an unlimited supply. Tuned in tonight to see a hormonally-imbalanced mother-and-daughter double-act getting the finger wagged at them in the kitchen, Karen (15.5 stone) and Aimee (17.5 stone – not bad for a 20-year-old). “You’ve picked the wrong time to visit,” blubbed the mother, having been told she’s killing her daughter with bread. “I’ve got PMT!” Gillian’s face did not crack: “I’m not surprised with what you eat.” Harsh, but fair. At least the mother didn’t then do a “spastic face”. One new development: they now seem to actually show the stool in the tupperware tub, rather than just have Gillian describe it. That’s progress.
Not flippin’ likely
And while we’re on the subject of non-fiction telly, what about Bill Oddie’s How To Watch Wildlife? It ended on BBC2 this evening with a fairly facile compilation of best bits, but this still meant a few greatest hits, like the Arctic Tern pecking Bill’s sleeve and shouting at him, the swooping starlings, the seal impression, the sea otter eating a whole eel and those two badgers in a Paignton front garden (soon to be culled if the government have their way in the farmer-lobbied panic about TB in cows, even though the RSPCA, among other bodies, insist that a cull of 100,000 badgers will not solve the problem, but potentially escalate it as group immunity is affected by the loss of so many of these sociable creatures, who operate in large, interlinked groups of about 20 – don’t get me started). Bill Oddie, who is always careful to say “flippin'” when you must assume he would normally say another word, makes the world a better place. Long may he reign.
And if you want to save the badger, go here.
Never Knowingly Underwhelmed 
What has amazed me with regard to Ramsay, is the amount of restaurants he has visited in this series that are then subsequently sold by the incumbent owners, despite Ramsay’s visit being a “success”.As far as “You Are What You Eat” is concerned, at what point on the upward curve of weight gain does a person think they are a “little overweight”? Presumably when the scales touch 13 stone-ish (as a woman), one might think action may be taken, and not the kind that involves reaching for the local chinese takeaway menu again. (Tim Bowling)
On the subject of Bill Oddie, did you see the Goodies the other day? Still very funny especially shared with a five year old, sexism dated it a bit, but generally, great. Also seeing Bill get his fingers savaged by a Scottish shrew of some sort a few weeks ago was fascinating television and he still managed not to swear.
On the subject of Bill Oddie, did you see the Goodies the other day? Still very funny especially shared with a five year old, sexism dated it a bit, but generally, great. Also seeing Bill get his fingers savaged by a Scottish shrew of some sort a few weeks ago was fascinating television and he still managed not to swear.