Twenty Twelve: TV

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Well, I’ve certainly put the hours in this year in terms of TV. My first full calendar year of writing and recording Telly Addict every week: that’s a lot of percentage in the Sky+ tank. Because I am now duty-bound to review all the exciting new stuff – and that means stuff I wouldn’t normally watch, like Red Or Black, TOWIE and The Apprentice – I find myself watching and analysing the first episode of everything, but not always bothering to watch the second episode. There are only so many hours in the day etc.

This, if you run a finger down my final list, accounts for the fact that Secret State, which I wasn’t sure about to start with, makes the list, and The Town, which I was sure about, doesn’t. I saw the former through to the bitter end, which means something, and I found myself unable to summon up the enthusiasm to see how The Town turned out, which also means something. My enthusiasm for The Great British Bake Off was entirely sincere: I couldn’t wait for the next episode. This is how I feel about the re-runs of Friday Night Lights: can’t wait. (Although the Guardian erroneously claimed that I judged The Bake Off to be “the best TV show of 2012″, when, in fact, it was simply my favourite.)

It seems obsessive and random to put these fantastic shows in any kind of qualitative order, so I’ll leave them in the order that they occurred to me. I’m not sure whether or not I ought to apologise for the proliferation of shows on Sky Atlantic. The channel has a deal with HBO; ergo, it’s where all the best imports turn up. Sorry (There, I apologised.) Oh, and by the way, I enjoyed some of the Olympics on the BBC, and Euro 2012, on the BBC and ITV, but found Gary Lineker a bit irksome on both.

The Great British Bake Off, BBC2
Line Of Duty, BBC2
Game of Thrones, Season 2, Sky Atlantic
Boardwalk Empire, Season 3, Sky Atlantic
Hunderby, Sky Atlantic
The Fear, C4
Homefront, ITV1
Fresh Meat, Series 2, C4
Friday Night Dinner, Series 2, C4
Michael Portillo’s Great Continental Railway Journeys, BBC2
Sherlock, Series 2, BBC1
Borgen, BBC4
The Bridge, BBC4
Homeland, Seasons 1-2, c4
Twenty Twelve, Series 2, BBC2
Chatsworth, BBC2
Inside Claridge’s, BBC2
The Thick Of It, Series 4, BBC4
Eastbound and Down, Season 3, FX
The Walking Dead, Season 3, FX
American Horror Story: Asylum, FX
Noel Fielding’s Luxury Comedy, E4
Friday Night Lights, Seasons 1-3, Sky Atlantic
Girls, Sky Atlantic
Mid Morning Matters with Alan Partidge, Sky Atlantic
The Newsroom, Sky Atlantic
Veep, Sky Atlantic
Secret State, C4
Top of the Pops, 1977, BBC4
Man About The House, Series 3-5, ITV3
Horror Europa with Mark Gatiss, BBC4
Loving Miss Hatto, BBC1
Downton Abbey, Series 3/Christmas Special, ITV1
Mrs Biggs, ITV1
Celebrity MasterChef, BBC2
Modern Family, Season 4, Sky1
Exposure: The Other Side of Jimmy Savile, ITV1
The Bletchley Circle, ITV1

Feel free to nominate shows you loved. I fell out with Downton during Series 2, but was surprised to find myself back onboard with Series 3. I also thought that Gates, on Sky Living, came out very well, but since I was one of its writers, I am unable to trust my own judgement. We must try Sky Living’s judgement, though, and it won’t be returning for a second series.

Danger, shark!

Nice little grab of the Capitol building there, but nothing to do with today’s US Presidential Election. Rather, while negotiating the minefield of spoilers, this week’s Telly Addict tries to discuss the other burning question, “Has Homeland jumped the shark or not?”; also, a horror double-bill from Halloween week, the gothic return of American Horror Story to FX, and BBC4′s Horror Europa with Mark Gatiss; just enough time, too, to consider another rare US drama import – this time from the History Channel – that’s showing on terrestrial television over here: post-Civil War feud saga Hatfields & McCoys, on Channel Five. (I have finally caught up with hospital comedy-drama Getting On, by the way, and I’ll be reviewing that next week.)

Warning: contains language

In the new Telly Addict, you will see and hear me reviewing the teatime debut of Keith Lemon’s Lemonaid on ITV1; the welcome second series of Twenty Twelve on BBC2; the last of Talk At The BBC on BBC4 (which I hope they repeat soon); and the final season of Eastbound & Down on FX.

I did watch Derek last night on C4, but it was too late to include it, as I have to deliver my script on a Thursday and record it first thing on Friday. And I was out last night. I may assess it next week, although I don’t mind telling you in advance that I don’t feel, as a one-off, that it earned enough of our sympathy to expect us to be sad about a character being sad after such a short time. And did he have to have that hairstyle?

Normal service

Eyes front! Normal service is resumed for this week’s Telly Addict. The Guardian “digital first” department pulled itself together, fixed the Autocue, remembered to caption my clips and all was right with the world. (The weird thing is, only I seemed to notice that last week’s was a bit “off”. We apparently had a spike in views and drew more comments than normal, too, one or two of which weren’t just, “You are shit, it is shit, everything you reviewed is shit.” So go figure, as the Americans say.) This week, I’m covering the return of Being Human for its fourth series to BBC3, which I don’t really think is aimed at me; the return of HBO’s True Blood for its fourth season to FX, which I went off during season three but may well have fallen back in love with; and the return of Whitechapel for its third series to ITV1, which, again, I got fed up with during series two, but am well up for again now. (Note how carefully I refer to series if it’s British, and seasons if it’s American. One has to preserve the language.)

Next week, I plan on revisting Call The Midwife, which is the new sensation across the nation, as I tuned in to episode one and had to turn off as it had all these babies being born in it, and catching up with Inside Men, which might just be the best British thing on TV at the moment.

2011: here isn’t the news

I am incredibly busy this festive season, but keen to do my usual themed reviews/lists of the year. Let’s do TV. In a year where the most exciting stuff happened on the news, I will concentrate on new and returning dramas, comedies and documentaries. Clearly, there are more than 15 TV shows I loved in 2011 – I enjoyed Frozen Planet, like everybody else, and Spooks – but you have to draw the line somewhere, otherwise you would go mad. Here is the line that I drew.

1. The Shadow Line, BBC2

I spent much of the year watching British drama on television and failing to really passionately engage with it. And not all of it could blame its own hype for in-built disappointment, like The Hour. As a writer who can currently only dream of writing serious drama, I want everything to be great. I will it to be so. But much of it seems designed to be understood by idiots, which is likely to be down to pressure from broadcasters and producers, and I understand that. Meanwhile, Hugo Blick’s near-Shakespearean police corruption potboiler moved about familiar territory with such panache and confidence, it put all those identikit new cop shows like Vera, Case Sensitive, Case Histories and even The Body Farm in the shade. And required you to think at every turn. Even though none of us guessed the ending – surely! – it wasn’t a whodunit. It was so much more than that. I can never forgive it for seeming to drown a cat, and the fact that I have made it number one despite this shows just how good, and resonant all these months later, it is.


2. This Is England ’88, C4

This could have been more of the same from Shane Meadows, who found a comfortable spiritual home on TV last year with This Is England ’86. But he raised the emotional bar, and wrung so much more out of his gang, not least Lol, perhaps the most inappropriately named character in modern drama, through whose troubles Vicky McClure played a blinder. Lovely use of The Smiths on the soundtrack, too.

3. The Story Of Film: An Odyssey, More4

A truly epic undertaking, Mark Cousins filled a void we didn’t even know existed by providing a history of cinema that was at once personal and polemical, but strove for mainstream legitimacy and arguably achieved that, constantly criss-crossing continents to show echoes bouncing around the globe concurrently, but firmly placing entirely original and thrilling comparisons into context. His lilting voice – which I love – conveys “pretentious” to his detractors, but its softness and sense of wonder humanised a big subject. I didn’t want it to end.


4. The Killing, BBC4

I’ve only seen the first season. The second is stacking up in my Sky+, deliberately, so that I can watch it box-set style in big swathes – that’s how I devoured this one. I sense that Forbrydelsen II is not the equal of the original, but how could it be? It’s half as long, for a start, whereas the first one, out of the blue, took us into a whole other world and allowed us to linger for 20 episodes, all the while changing our minds about whodunit, and learning Danish as we went. Sophie Grabol was superb as Sarah Lund, but it wasn’t just about her and her jumper. This was a window on the parallel universe of Scandinavia, where grisly murders don’t happen as much, politics is all about coalition and the rain seems never to stop. Who knew that a subtitled drama would be one of the year’s best? (It originally aired in 2007, of course, but it’s new to us.)


5. Boardwalk Empire, Sky Atlantic

I apologise to all of you who diligently snub all of Rupert Murdoch’s works and thus cannot join in the chorus of approval for what is, effectively, our own little HBO: Sky Atlantic. Its launch was, for my household, one of the best bits of news of 2011. Whether it’s oddities like Bored To Death, from-the-start re-runs of the likes of Big Love and The Wire, TV movies of the quality of Too Big To Fail or Temple Grandin, or brand new, still-wet broadcasts of the best US stuff, like this, or Mildred Pierce, the stopcock of quality never stops flowing. What’s most astounding about Boardwalk Empire is the way the second season has turned it on a new pivot, with Jimmy taking over from Nucky, or attempting to, and Van Alden starting a new life. Also: the best opening credits on television. You can probably see those on YouTube for free.


6. American Horror Story, FX

Delighted to see this get a Golden Globe nomination today. I have a soft spot for FX (more Murdoch, I’m afraid, but he’ll get his comeuppance in hell), which this year brought The Walking Dead back and went all BBC4 with its thrilling French cop import Braquo. But American Horror Story, one of the few truly chilling pieces of mainstream television since Twin Peaks, pretty much instantly became a favourite, with Jessica Lange bringing some Hollywood ballast to a cast otherwise made up of familiar folks from other TV shows, like Connie Britton from Friday Night Lights, Morris Chestnutt from V, Zachary Quinto from Heroes, Frances Conroy from Six Feet Under, and on it goes. The haunted house standby gets an eerie makeover from the creator of Nip/Tuck and the now off-the-boil Glee (with both of which it shares a delicious sense of camp), with a gimp seemingly living in the attic, and everybody who ever died in the house living in the cellar.


7. Game Of Thrones, Sky Atlantic

I’m really not one for fantasy lit. And I doubt I’ll ever pick up one of George R.R. Martin’s novels. But this epic saga, based upon that very source material, provided a stirring narrative in its first season, with a parallel world of warring factions so complex the opening credits (which won an Emmy) are based upon a map. Perhaps a little too fond of soft porn nudity for its own good, it’s full of British and Irish actors – and shot in Northern Ireland – so has that instant appeal. And it’s got Peter Dinklage in it – another Emmy winner – so what can go wrong? Season two due to air on HBO in April 2012, and that means we’ll get it almost concurrently, something that never used to happen, did it?


8. Fresh Meat, C4/Rev, BBC2

Hedging my bets a bit, I realise, but these two comedies, so very different, cannot be separated in my mind. Fresh Meat, which showed Campus how to do a student comedy – mainly by doing it about the students and not the staff – will surely win Jack Whitehall a Comedy Award on Friday, and if not, it doesn’t matter, he’s redeemed himself in the eyes of anyone who had him down as a smug, preening, fast-tracked, over-privileged stand-up hunk, breathing life into the monstrous but lovable JP. (Zawe Ashton also a revelation as Vod.) Sam Bain and Jesse Armstrong created the template and, we may assume, the characters, but other writers, some much newer to telly, took on individual episodes. This programme is actually like a university. And Rev I’ve raved about very recently. It continues to delight.


9. Top Boy, C4

Although arbitrarily broadcast across successive nights when it should have been allowed to bubble and simmer across the same number of weeks, Top Boy was writer Ronan Bennett at his dramatic and journalistic best, translating what he learned from residents of estates in East London into a story that – in bravely dispensing with the police (or “Feds”) – found a human story among the hardship. Along with Attack The Block, another fiction about black youths by a white writer that sidestepped caricature, this dared to look beyond the cliches. Also, what an atmospheric piece, so brilliantly founded upon the insistent, ambient riff from Ghostpoet’s Finished I Ain’t. (It’s interesting that this came so soon off the back of The Jury on ITV1, also by Bennett, but replete with cliches and clunky exposition, almost as if someone somewhere decided that ITV1 viewers needed their food cutting up into chunks for them, which I would argue they don’t.)


10. Treme, Sky Atlantic

Like Boardwalk Empire, here’s another sprawling drama that manages to keep a number of stories spinning, and was not defeated by a second season, despite a spectacular first. So very different to The Wire, whose Ed Simon co-created it, and yet so similar in many ways, it concentrated on the black experience, but not exclusively, and did a unique thing in narrative drama in letting the music tell the story. There is clearly music in the veins of New Orleans, and this aspect was what made Treme so different. It’s not a musical, but it is.


11. All Watched Over By Machines Of Loving Grace, BBC2

I saw a lot of documentaries this year, as I am drawn to non-fiction. But Adam Curtis is more than a documentary maker, and his latest, esoteric, uniquely paced three-part opus took in everything from Ayn Rand, Alan Greenspan and Buckminster Fuller to President Mobutu, Richard Dawkins and the Club Of Rome, all the while taking the back off our obsession with computers and machine-age utopianism. This is a filmmaker who joins dots that you didn’t even know were dots.


12. The Promise, C4

Sometimes, ambition is not enough. But in tackling the Israel-Palestine question from both a historic and a contemporary viewpoint, without ever decisively demonising or lionising either side, Peter Kosminsky – a dramatist who likes issues – created a compelling story that asked as many questions as it answered. Claire Foy came of age (did that sound patronising enough?) as the initially apolitical tourist in Israel who delves into the past via the death of her grandfather. I didn’t feel brow-beaten – terrorism, cruelty and prejudice was shown on both sides – but came away feeling pretty sad about the whole situation. (It made me re-attempt Martin Gilbert’s epic account Israel, but it defeated me again. The Promise was in that sense far more successful.)


13. British Masters/Art Of America, BBC4

It would be churlish to separate these fine art series on the channel that does them best. The former gave us a new expert, Dr James Fox (with whom I entered into a pleasant correspondence when I contacted him through the faculty of Gonville & Caius College, Cambridge while trying to ascertain his actual age, which is a sickening 29), the latter set a well established one, the persuasive Andrew Graham-Dixon, at another part of the world, this time America. So we had Dr Fox, not that one, moving from bathhouse to terraced street in search of the great, in some cases unsung, British painters of the 20th century, from Nash, Spencer and Freud to Hamilton, Bomberg and Hockney, while Graham-Dixon hopped in the statutory open-top car and went from coast to coast to get to the heart of Hopper, Wyeth, Rockwell and Warhol. Both utterly absorbing – the former knocked on forums by certain academics for sanding down the rough edges (a criticism my new friend Dr Fox refutes) – and both pulled off, with aplomb and approachability, in just three parts apiece. I could have watched either for twice as many. Can’t wait for their next LP. In a year when BBC4 had a large chunk of its pocket money taken away by a government that hates it, we have to hope they have ringfenced funding for this type of thing. Sky Arts do an ever improving job, but we can’t have Murdoch taking over the whole sandpit. Even Sky Atlantic disciples understand that.


14. Modern Family, Sky1

Still the best US import, Modern Family has been a constant in my life all year, and, when a run coincides with 30 Rock and Curb, as it did this autumn, I feel spoiled by American wit. Favourite character? Still Cam.


15. Celebrity Masterchef, BBC1

You know I have a soft spot for this, and it gets into the Top 15 partly because it had such a likable and impressive bunch of contenders in Kirsty Wark, Hollyoaks‘ Nick Pickard, Danny from Supergrass and eventual winner, the sweet and soft-spoken retired rugby captain Phil Vickery, but also because the show was exiled to the salt mines of daytime from the early evening and I think this was a bad move. It deserves to be reinstated.

One summoner’s tale

I’m not one of those critics who thrives on tearing something to pieces. And I’m especially sensitive to other writers, as I know how difficult and pressurised it is to write for TV, and the compromises you have to make in that job. But I cannot pretend that ITV1′s five-nighter The Jury, which I review this week in my Guardian Telly Addict round-up, didn’t horribly disappoint me. I prefer to celebrate the best telly, rather than prod the worst, and indeed, give the stuff I wouldn’t normally watch a fair and objective chance … I trust, if you’ve been watching, that you would agree with this general assessment of what I do. But because The Jury, a high-profile piece of TV real estate, was written by a proven genius of populist TV drama, Peter Morgan, I feel it’s only right to express my disappointment. At least I can back my feelings up with clips, which I do. You can watch Telly Addict here. I also pass armchair judgement on American Horror Story on FX and Life’s Too Short on BBC2.

I’m not going to get a job reviewing telly for an actual newspaper – such as, I don’t know, the Guardian – by liking everything, or giving everything a fair crack of the whip, but I never did set out to be Charlie Brooker, who does the opposite with such panache, originality and sincere bile; I set out to be me, watching telly, in my living room, and then saying what I thought of it. (Incidentally, the estimable John Crace, who reviewed Life’s Too Short in the actual newspaper – and not from the bottom of a bin behind a filing cabinet down a long corridor at the back of the Guardian website – was much harder on it, and eloquent, too.*)

Oh, and I’ll be reviewing the excellent Rev next week.

*POSTSCRIPT: I provided a link to John Crace’s review but the Guardian website mysteriously removed it. It’s cached here though, should you wish to read what was, after all, in the paper itself on Friday.)

Top telly

This week’s Telly Addict, over on the Guardian website, is overcome by unplanned gloom this week, with all three programmes under review set on the wrong side of the tracks and reflecting the seamier side of life. Sorry. It just happened. Top Boy, which ran from Monday to Thursday on C4, is set on a fictional Hackney estate where drug-dealing and internecine warfare is rife; Misfits, back for its third series on E4, is a sci-fi comedy that’s also set on an estate, this time the unnamed Thamesmead in Bexley/Greenwich, and revolves around young offenders on community service; and Braquo, a thrillilng new French cop import on FX, which I’ve already written about, is set in the underbelly of Paris, where violence on both sides of the law is a way of life. As is drinking at work.

It’s all pretty gritty. But vital in many other ways. I loved Top Boy, written by Ronan Bennett and superbly directed by Yann Demange, although why it was force-fed to us in four days I don’t know. Is this new concertinaed scheduling orthodoxy a reaction to DVD box-set bingeing? If so, I can see the logic, but it does mean that a drama as important and impressive as this feels as if it’s being rush-released, and that the channel that’s showing it has no confidence that an audience will stick around for it given a whole week between episodes in which to lose interest. Do we have such short attention spans?

This week’s Telly Addict comes with a warning again: this video contains scenes of nudity and language that some viewers may find offensive. Brilliant.

You’ve got the love

This is my 25th Telly Addict TV review for the Guardian, and a reasonable juncture, I think, to thank my two regular producers, the unseen Matt Hall and Andy Gallagher, who produce, direct, shoot and – most importantly – edit it every week. If it’s in any way slick, elegant or professional, especially in its use of the clips, it’s down to them. I just talk into their camera. This week, in an effort to deliver quantity first, I manage to talk into their camera about five programmes, without tipping over the optimum eight-and-a-bit minute mark: the end of Spooks, BBC1; the end of Celebrity Masterchef, BBC1; the return of Young Apprentice, BBC1; the start of Jamie’s Great Britain, C4 and the return of The Walking Dead, FX. It’s been tremendous fun doing this every week for half a year, and the lady at Guardian reception actually knows my name now, so long may it continue. It’s the only way I’m getting into the building. The link is here.

Narc de triomphe

Here is the latest Zelig-style shot of me standing next to some famous people. Actually, you probably don’t recognise them, although the gentlemen on the right was in Betty Blue, among many other French films. He is the urbane Jean-Hughes Anglade, one of the four principals in smash hit French cop drama Braquo, whose second season begins on French cable channel Canal+ in November, and whose first season premieres here on FX from October 30. I’ve seen the first four episodes. It’s fantastic. I’m in. And on Friday, I hosted a Q&A about the show at London’s Soho Hotel for the British media, with three of the cast, plus executive producer Claude Chelli, who is on the left. The other gentleman, whose impressive head is why many commentators are already calling it “the French Shield“, is Joseph Malerba. Here is his head, in character, alongside Anglade’s moustache. Their co-stars are Nicholas Duvauchelle (who wasn’t in London for the Q&A) and Karole Rocher (who didn’t hang around at the reception afterwards).

Critic Stephen Armstrong, who was also on the panel on Friday, wrote a very good introductory piece about Braquo for the Sunday TimesCulture, which is not much use to you here, as it will be hidden behind the Times‘ paywall. So this is all you need to know in advance:

Braquo will also, inevitably, be compared to The Wire – a comparison underwritten by the fact that Canal+, effectively France’s “fourth TV channel”, seems to have been forged in the image of HBO, with its strong adult fare and subscription base. It bears some similarity: it’s gritty and handheld and exposes the dark underbelly of a large city, in this instance Paris; its central quartet of cops are prone to “crossing the line” in order to bring justice to scumbags, and their maverick methodology means they rub up against their chiefs on a regular basis. What makes it different from The Wire is that it is not especially interested in the criminals. So let’s put a stop to the Wire comparisons. Although, having said that, Braquo‘s creator, writer and predominant season-one director Olivier Marchal, was once a cop, so he has that in common with The Wire‘s co-creator Ed Burns. Oh, and it also employs novelists as writers.

I shall warn you now, it’s violent. In the opening scene of the first episode of eight, it sets out its stall. This is strong stuff. As it’s subtitled, we must hope we are getting the full impact of the writing, which is sexually frank and full of expletives. It was odd to watch this episode on the big screen before the Q&A with the French-speaking cast and producer, who were watching it with the English translation. Of the four, Chelli was the most fluent English speaker, and he said he was satisfied with the way it had been subtitled. (It’s been done for a British audience – we get “bog” for toilet, for instance.) The cinematically dingy warehouse that seems to pass as a police station in the suburbs of Paris is an atmospheric, tactile base for our rogue cops; it even has its own bar – which, it turns out, is not a wishful fantasy. So this is a glimpse into the world of French urban policing that has its own attractions for a foreign audience.

All cops shows genuflect to American culture, and it’s there in Braquo, but it’s peculiarly Gallic, too, very moody and a touch existential. There are few laughs. There is little banter. It’s incredibly dark, and if the first four episodes are anything to go by, Eddy (Anglade), Theo (Duvauchelle), Roxanne (Rocher) and Walter (Malerba), these four have a habit of making things worse with their reckless procedural ways. And demons? They’ve got ‘em!

What I like is that FX are getting into the imported foreign-language drama groove. BBC4 have made it their trademark with The Killing and Spiral (whose Law & Order-style equal emphasis on the legal system makes it much more officey than Braquo, so the pair can be watched as companions to one another), and SkyArts are currently following suit with the Italian Romanzo Criminale, a period mafia origins story set in Rome whose first episode I enjoyed. I say, the more subtitled dramas the merrier. Who would have guessed five or ten years ago that the boutique channels would be fighting over imports with writing at the bottom of the screen? Let they fight. We, the viewers, are the winner.

It was fun to host a Q&A whose panel were not English, and one of whom, Rocher, spoke through a translator. (I’m hoping that watching Braquo will help me with my French, which is schoolboy at best, and hasn’t been tried out in the field since 2005 when I last went to Paris.) I discovered that US imports are all over French TV, and that, less predictably, the biggest bought-in shows out there are The Mentalist, and CSI in all its forms. As for British shows, Chelli was a big fan of The Shadow Line, which hasn’t been shown in France, and Red Riding, which has. I was interested to find out that one of the key influences on Marchal in terms of style and story was the lesser-known American cop drama, Joe Carnahan’s Narc from 2002, starring Ray Liotta, which I must admit I loved, as it seemed to hark back to 70s classics like The French Connection, which is nice, as there really is a French connection now. (Before the Q&A we had a lively discussion about how the best American cinema was influenced by the French New Wave, and yet, this grew out of a bunch of French critics’ love of classic Hollywood directors like Hawks and Hitchcock, so the give-and-take between the two cultures has always been potent.)

Anyway, looks out for Braquo, if you have access to FX. They’re about to start work on Season Three in France. And no, Monsieur Anglade didn’t really want to talk about Betty Blue. I tried.

Now pay attention

On Wednesday night, I was delighted to be asked to host the FX Christmas Pub Quiz, an annual event staged by the FX channel, home – in this country, at one time or another – of The Wire, Generation Kill, True Blood, Sons Of Anarchy, Breaking Bad, Eastbound and Down, Nip/Tuck, Dexter and The Walking Dead. Teams from various publications – Guardian Guide, Shortlist, the Sun, Time Out, Sky magazine, What Satellite, Men’s Health – competed against teams from TV.com, Walker Media and HBO. (The team from Nuts didn’t turn up, sadly. Probably out masturbating somewhere.) It was a terrific night. Last year’s host was Reginald D Hunter, whose natural cool was, we must imagine, slightly undermined by being perched on a stool all night, trying to shout above the general din of media folk drinking free beer and champagne and dipping free crispy duck wraps in plum dipping sauce. I have no such cool to undermine, and really enjoyed trying to keep order, and treating in good spirit those lively souls who felt it was their job to shout out stupid answers. (“Dildo!”) Here are some of those media folk, including the team from the free magazine Shortlist, who won the quiz, for the third time, I believe, so well done to them. (In the spirit of their magazine, when the answer sheets were collected up at half time by FX adjudicators, Shortlist just left theirs lying around on the seats. Boom, boom!)

Anyway, I asked Chrystal from FX, who thanklessly compiled the quiz, if I could reproduce it here, just for fun. (The winning three teams got prizes and everything, but I am not FX.) It’s all based on what happened this year. Thanks to FX for the gig, especially Marc who made the introductions, and to all the media whores who came up to me afterwards and said nice things. It was held at the Book Club in the area of London many know as Old Street. I liked the venue. And they served amazing food. And created a mind-blowing chain of about 30 Jagerbombs on the bar afterwards; Chrystal was asked to ceremonially push over the first alcohol domino in the chain, and all of the shot glasses of Jagermeister plopped into the tumblers of Red Bull, ready to be downed by people who should know better. I have never seen such a thing in my life. I wish somebody had filmed it. Perhaps somebody did.

The quiz appears below this sappy posed picture of me with the FX “branding.”

The FX Christmas Pub Quiz 2010

1. Who replaced U2 at Glastonbury this year when Bono suffered a back injury?
2. The cast of Glee mostly dominated the UK charts with Don’t Stop Believing, but who sings the original?
3. Name the number 1 album in the UK which caused a stir this year after the band used a family photo found in a charity shop as the cover art?
4. … and the 2010 Mercury prize goes to?
5. What is the full title of the third Twilight film?
6. A somewhat true account behind the creation of Facebook, who directed The Social Network?
7. In addition to the US, Sex and the City 2 was primarily set in which country?
8. Who directed the American remake of Tomas Alfredson’s vampire story Let the Right One In?
9. It wasn’t such a happy day when which actor died aged 83 October of this year?
10. On January 8, Elvis Presley celebrated which birthday?
11. Whose sex text affair with a backing dancer was exposed when their other half discovered a secret phone?
12. Which pop star finally ended years of speculation by coming out as a “proud” and “fortunate” homosexual earlier this year?
13. Starring Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman, the first episode of the three-part miniseries Sherlock was entitled what?
14. In January, who won the final ever series of Celebrity Big Brother?
15. Who stars alongside Matt Smith in the new Doctor Who series as his two companions Amy and Rory?
16. In chronological order which three TV channels aired Britain’s live series of party leader debates with David Cameron, Gordon Brown and Nick Clegg?
17. How many American viewers tuned into the premiere of Sarah Palin’s Alaska on the cable channel TLC?
18. The cast of which US sitcom performed two live performances to the East and West coasts as a one-off stunt?
19. Sarah Ferguson opened up on which US chat show following the hidden camera scandal that rocked Britain?
20. The Lost series finale aired simultaneously across 59 countries but what was the US’s transmission date?
21. Where was the 2010 Super Bowl held?
22. Which driver is the Formula One 2010 World Champion?
23. What country did Holland beat to make it to the Final of the football World Cup in South Africa?
24. Who won their third Golf Masters title this year?
25. Name the female protagonist in the Steig Larsson Millennium Trilogy?
26. Released in November, the memoir Decision Points follows whose life?
27. Controversy surrounded which fiction novel when plans for a big screen adaption invoked industrial protests this year?
28. Complete the title of this autobiography by Chris Evans: Memoirs of a _____
29. Who said: “I dabbled into witchcraft. I never joined a coven … I hung around people who were doing these things. I’m not making this stuff up.”
30. Who said – or Tweeted:”You are the chosen one dun dun dun”
31. Who said: “I feel sorry for straight men.”
32. Who said: “I’m no Tom Jones but I’m doing better than Nick Clegg.”
33. What technology was highly promoted during the Consumer Electronic Show in Las Vegas this year?
34. True or false: fish shrink in harsh winters?
35. What is Apple’s top selling app for the iPhone in 2010?
36. Facebook users in India were offered a chance to make themselves appear whiter online as part of a marketing campaign by which skincare company?
37. In which month was Haiti hit by the devastating Earthquake?
38. Nineteen people were killed in a stampede at which music festival this year?
39. What are the first five letters of the Icelandic volcano that brought Europe’s air travel to a halt?
40. Thirty-three miners were trapped in a 500 square feet passage, in temperatures of 97 degrees Fahrenheit. But how many days were they underground for?
41. What CCTV moment sparked international outrage and resulted in a fine of just £265? (I’ll accept the generally agreed name for the moment as it appears on YouTube, or the protagonist’s name.)
42. Following a recent high court battle, who is the owner of Liverpool FC?
43. Which US state introduced a law that would allow police to stop anyone who they think is an illegal immigrant?
44. In America, Proposition 19 claims to control, regulate and tax what?
45. A Florida-based produce company is looking to titillate the eye and the taste buds by offering a new red-coloured what to give a colourful crunch to salads and dips?
46. What was the name of the now deceased psychic Octopus who correctly predicted the World Cup winners?
47. A flock of which animal gathered in Mexico to form a giant version of itself? (Unless the pic was photoshopped!)
48. The largest gathering of people dressed as characters from The Wizard of Oz was achieved in which country this year? (Bonus point if you can name the town.)
49. My name is not my name, I’ve taught and rode and slain. Vampires are not my game. Themes of life and death with me remain. Who am I?
50. What religion is Homer Simpson? (I’ll accept either of two answers to this.)

I’ll print the answers next week. Don’t sent your answers to me, just have a go for your own amusement. Why not print the questions out, take them to a basement bar that is full of people shouting, and attempt them while drinking Tiger or champagne or Jagerbombs while staring at a giant picture of Dexter’s face. Then it’ll be just like you were there.